Decided to prescribe myself a right good proper moan.
Annoyances and irritants, in no particular order.
Paper cuts - paper cuts have no right to be painful. They are the 'wee naff' of injuries and the Yorkshire Terriers of mishaps.
Yorkshire Terriers - I really do not like Yorkshire Terriers. With their unfeasibly small tongues and cocked head. They are a blight on dog hood. Ugly, angry little whelps. How dare they take the glorious name of Yorkshire in vain?!
Vanity - "The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that is laughable is vanity" so said Henri Bergson and I have to say, I agree but then, I have very little to be vain about. (http://en.thinkexist.com/)
Potholes and bad pavements - cause people to fall over and that's not at all good. Also, they allow large puddles to form and they aren't good too. As a combination, they can be hazardous not only to pedestrians but also innocent and not so innocent by-standers. One of my best ever falls was caused by tripping over on an irregularly surfaced pavement and falling into a large puddle. The resulting splash covered an angry looking man stood outside a local pub from head to toe (I think some of the muddy water went in his mouth). Multiple dangers. It's a wonder we leave the house at all.
Shouting - people with a hearing impairment aside, shouting is just plain rude and I can not stand it. It's the verbal equivalent of elbowing people aside to get to the front of the queue. Look, if it was really that interesting, I'd have heard you the first time!
Wasps - I have blogged about the pointlessness and sheer villainy of wasps previously. They just kind of insist upon themselves - you know? Yorkshire Terriers and wasps should be pitted in a fight to the evolutionary death. Only one species can survive (I would like to point out that I only prescribe this for wasps and Yorkshire Terriers).
Hill walkers who are good at walking up and down hills - boo! Why can't they be as disorganised and unfit as the rest of us?
Ice - I acknowledge that being ice is not ice's fault. Innocent water is at the mercy of freezing temperatures. There's no badness in ice. However, adopting the view that unintentional harm is still abuse, ice is found guilty of the charge of legging folks up in the street. My worse ice based fall was more frustrating than injurious. I slipped whilst waiting (standing freaking still - devious ice) for a red light. I had no 24 hour Spar then and had saved enough tobacco for one roll up before I found a shop. I tenderly rolled my last roll for some time and was ready to light when the ice struck. I fell and the roll up plunged down a hill, through a puddle and under a passing car. I could have wept. Ice cubes are useful of course. Further to my proposal above, the winner of the Terriers V Wasps show down will be enlisted to chop up ice from pavements and give it a polish before forming it into perfect cubes for packing as consumable ice as an alcohol accompaniment
Lackadaisical shop assistants - I don't shop enough and prefer to do most shopping online. One of the biggest reasons is the often frustrating slowness of shop assistants, most frustratingly in chemists. I have to visit chemists regularly as I have asthma. Usually I am in a bit of a rush for my inhalers as I wait to the last minute to get them refilled. I sit patiently, perspiring and hyperventilating (sometimes I put that on to urge haste). Behind the counter I often get an update on the latest X Factor horrors, the ailments and personal circumstances of the previous customer and the relationship dilemmas of the shop assistants. I haven't quite got so far as shouting (whoops) "Hurry Up!" but I am now on my third local chemists after banning myself from two others for my unassertive response to their infuriating slowness. From now on, I propose that lazy and tardy shop assistants be required to count the ice cubes the wasps (I figured they seem pretty organised - good at demarcating) produce with their little ice picks.
People who use the term 'PC' while making little rabbit ears with their second and third fingers.
People who don't like football - wha?
Random ones - Motor and horse racing (really just sports for lazy people), the words "tummy" and "(ma wee) pinky", caravans, scooters, pogo sticks, shoes, Cash For Gold and Go Compare adverts, the TV programmes Catchphrase, Bullseye and Question Time and the smell of wet dogs.
